Fiona Tan

Why i put the title this way ? is because i receive a news that make my heart feeling so pain and sad..
Last few day’s many bad things has happen,the worst one is that i found out my por por cancer has spread to her uterus,neck,bones and liver, the doctor said nothing can be done except inject morphine for her to reduce the pain..My mom told me that when the doctor inject the medicine into por por body you can see the pain in her face trying to stand the pain can see her crying too..on that moment i was so hurt..Honestly when hendrik told me that por por cancer was spread to other part of her body and may leave us anytime,surprisingly i didn’t feel anything not even a little hurt! I ask myself how can i not even feel a little hurt ? she is my grandmother why don’t i feel any sad ? at first i thought why can i be so heartless ? maybe is because i don’t believe the news i thought is just some misunderstand.Then the same night me,hendrik and kenny boy went to visit por por,seeing the weak and pain por por my heart was so hurt on that moment i can feel the pain so much..Last night most of all my cousins that means por por grandchildren was at my aunt house buying food and eat together with por por and for the past few months last night was the first time she eat alot because she happy thats us all grandchildren eat with her…
Honestly me and por por relationship is not as close as hendrik and some of my older cousin with por por.. cause por por take care of them since their was a kid till now..But i still feel the sadness that she has to suffer all the pain now, she was a good grandmother cause since i small she always thought me to be a good girl and be obediant, although me and por por not that close but i really pray and hope she’ll get well soon, hope there is a miracle happen to her..I don’t wanna lose such a kind and caring grandmother!! Please if there is god and deity above the sky then please bless my por por get well soon..Take away her pain please…Why the doctor don’t detected it earlier ? maybe can be cured ? now we every night also visit her..This incident really taught me that you should cherish the one you loved and if wanna do something do it before is too late…

Last night i have a wonderful dinner with yvonne! I’m glad mom and dad let me go and thanks canisius and audrey accompany me there! Meeting her is really happy cause at last i know who she really is, she was sweet and humble,when she speak her voice was so soft and gentle! we comunicate thru pen and paper, i guess she can hear very little guess only her voice cause she can talk just can’t hear us..i seat beside her, so we chat a lot! even brought to of her “heart 4 hope”baby t..we take some picture too!(will post after i get the picture from her!)the place we eat was nice too. Top of the hill! can see whole of kl view so beautiful at night, and the air was fresh and cool too(near my house to! yay new place to hang out) is a place that real suit for couple cause real romanctic..before we wanna leave 1 of yvonne friends “aunt margaret ( A special education teacher)ask me about my illness and did i go to school, she encourage me to take PMR exam next year! she said i can start with hire a home tutor to teach me all the basics example, math,english,science,and bm. then i after that i can study some past year examination.. next year when has exam she’ll inform me! she also encourage me to hardworking for my future cause 1 day i also got to independence! I have told my parents and manages to coax them in agree to let me persued my study! gosh gotta pick up the past 10 years study and home work! lol. Hope i can do it.. i’ll do my best.. Like i said before last time i have known a guy from irc few months ago and our friendship also kinda good,but sometimes i wonder is it his person that good ? cause cyber world(especially irc) cannot be trusted, too good to be true sometimes, but he really treating me good! when i’m sad or moody he will make me smile again.. i really wonder can we really find a true friendship in cyber world ? sigh i don’t know…i’ll paid attention to my study better..

on sunday august 20th 2006, i come across a story about a 20 years old girl who have a rare illness named “Neurofibromatosis Type 2.”
This rare and incurable genetic disorder causes tumors to grow in her brain, spine and along peripheral nerves. Three major surgeries have passed since the diagnosis four years ago, but many tumors in her body still needs to be removed. The tumors damage randoms nerves as they grow.After reading the article i straight away surf in her site and grow interested on her story! At first i felt pity for her, but after i brought her book “I’m not sick just a bit unwell” my point of view has changes towards her. I won’t use the words “pity” but i’ll use the words “proud” cause she was really brave on facing this illness she is very humble yet confidence!her books is about her story on how her life and her 3 major surgery that changes her life’s. honestly reading her story does inspire me a lot! at the least must believe in faith and confidence on myself! thanks yvonne for inspire and tell me that we don’t need pity from other’s who don’t understand!wanna know more about her can read her blog on my link…